The Daisy Dress

The floor rumbled beneath me, vibrating like teeth on a winter's day. And there I sat alone in last year's summer dress. I had grown since then, and my legs stuck out, two poles holding up a circus tent. With my older brother gone to join the Red Army and my parents already across the ocean in America, my older sister and I decided it was time for me to join them before life in Russia became even more unbearable. Now, I arrived in Germany where I'd board my ship.

The train skidded to a halt, but my cracked leather suitcase kept going. I watched horrified as the metal clasp smashed open.  The suitcase slid into a man's freshly polished boot. All my personal belongings flashed for the world to see! I reached to pull it shut, but a large hand stopped me. A young man's handsomely chiseled face appeared over my head. He smiled at me, a cold, emotionless smile.

"Pretty little girl." he called me in German. I snatched my suitcase and left the cabin as quickly as I could.

My body remained tense as I flew off the train onto the platform outside. My fingers felt for the Star of David around my neck hidden in the bodice of my dress. My sister had warned me to never let it be seen. Being Jewish in Europe these days could be very risky

The streets were bustling with people of all ages. Children chatted to each other in German on the way home from school. Music from someone's radio drifted from an open window. Soldiers in brown flung guns around their backs and laughed at some joke one was telling.

A cool breeze tickled my bare skin and I was reminded of my too short dress. It was time for a new one, a new dress for a new life, I decided. As I turned the corner, there opportunity knocked. I peered into the window of the Goldberg dress shop. On a rack inside hung dresses of every color- a soft baby blue, a lemon yellow, the palest sunset lavender. A bell tinkled as I closed the door behind me.

"Hello! Just a minute," came a muffled voice from behind a dress rack. As I waited, a coiffed head of hair poked out from behind the fabric as the owner of the voice stepped into view.

"May I help you?" asked the modestly dressed young woman in a simple white blouse and navy colored skirt. I didn't want to linger long. The baby blue dress speckled with tiny yellow daisies had caught my eye in the window. "I'd like that dress, please." I said in my best German. Lucky for me, the language wasn't too different from the Yiddish we spoke back home.

"Sure thing, sweetie." she said. I paid for my purchase with the little extra spending money I had then ducked behind the muslin curtain to change. After peeling off the old dress and slipping on the new one, I admired my reflection. Maybe I wasn't perfect- the contrast of dark chocolate hair against milky skin looked ghastly to me- but it pleased me to see the image of an almost grown adult rather than a lost 14 year old.

"Thank you, Ma'am!" I called out behind me as I continued to the Berlin Hotel where I would stay the night. In the streets stood another small group of soldiers. I kept my eyes on the pavement.

Although I couldn't see the source of the voice, I heard one say, "Those Jewish pigs need to all go back where they came from."

"Yes!" agreed another. "Back to the slops with the rest of the little piggies. Oink oink!" He spat and his friends laughed. My cheeks burned with shame.

            I hurried passed them while fishing out the crumpled paper from my leather pocketbook that held the address of the hotel.  I had been heading in the right direction all along.  Just around the corner from the dress shop, a thick wooden door on the side of a grey stone building held a sign on a rope. “Rooms For Rent,” it said.  I took a deep breath and stood tall with my shoulders back in hopes that I might disguise my youth.  I knocked on the door in imitation of the confidant young woman I wished I were.

            The door opened just a crack, and a round-faced woman peered out.  She smiled pleasantly, and the folds of skin around her neck and chin squashed and stretched like the dough Mama kneaded to make our challah for the Sabbath.  Her ash colored hair coiled in a loose bun on the back of her head except for the little fly aways that danced around her face like spider silk.  She wore a modest grey housecoat and reminded me of my grandmother.

            “Hello, mien liebling,” she said.  “How may I help you?”

            “I would like a room, please.” I said. 

“Of course, of course.  Come in!” she said.  I followed her into the dimly lit entry room. The modest room had 3 olive green chairs arranged around a small oak coffee table.  It smelled fainted of cabbage, but it felt welcoming enough.  I began to relax.  “Have a cookie,” she gestured to the tray of cookies on the table, and I snatched one eagerly.

            “Just call me Frau Hirsch.  No, there’s no mister, but that’s a long sad story, and I won’t bore you with the details, “ said Frau Hirsch. “I’m afraid this place isn’t much- money has been tight- but you’ll have a warm bed tonight, and I’ll bake a nice apple strudel in the morning.  How does that sounds?”

            “Good.”  I said, taking a bite out of the ginger cookie and savoring its sweetness.  I was glad to have an excuse not to talk.

            “Now, here’s your key.  Your room is just up those stairs to the left.”  I nodded as she placed the metal key in my palm.  “By the way, I love your dress- it looks like spring blossomed right into my front door!  It certainly brightens this dreary room.”

            “Thank you.”  I smiled at the compliment.  “I bought it today at the Goldberg shop just around the corner.”  Suddenly, Frau Hirsch’s brows narrowed.  Her lips twitched downward making the folds around her chin deeper.  “Did I say something wrong?”  I asked.

            “The Goldberg shop?  Hrmph!  They have all the money you know.”  She said.

            “Who?”  I asked.

            “The Jews!  Those Jews have robbed you blind!”

            The cookie stuck in my throat.  I started coughing.

            “You poor dear!” said Frau Hirsch.  “You surely paid way too much for that dress!  Come, come- we will right this terrible wrong!”  She took my hand in her firm gripe.  My mind was so stunned from the shock that my body followed without protest.

            Together, we walked around the block to the Goldberg’s window.  My head buzzed.  Frau Hirsch burst through the shop’s door like a soldier on the frontline.  The young woman from earlier was behind the counter.  “Is there a problem?”  she asked.

            “Yes, there is a problem!”  said Frau Hirsch.  “And the problem is that you expect a young girl to pay a king’s ransom for a dress!”

           

            “I believe my prices are perfectly fair,” said the shop owner.

            Frau Hirsch dragged me in front of her.  Her voice rose louder with each sentence.  “Look at this dress!  This fabric is cheap!  A monkey sewed these seams!  I demand you give this poor girl her money back!  Every mark!”  I wanted to crawl into a mouse hole.  The shop owner looked genuinely shaken. “If you do not give this girl back what she paid you, I will report you to the police for dishonest business!”

            The shop owner turned stonefaced.  She moved through thick air to open the cash register, and counted the bills.  She extended a fistful of money in my direction.  “Take it then.  Take it and get out of my shop!”  I couldn’t move.  My hands felt like weights at my side.  Frau Hirsh took the bills and gently clasped my fingers around them.  We walked back to the hotel with her leading me forward like a small child.

           

“There, now isn’t that much better?” she said when we returned.  I didn’t respond.  “You are a girl of few words, aren’t you?  Ah well, you go check out your room.  I have some errands to run, but I’ll be back soon if you need me.”  As the door shut behind her, I sank into one of the olive green chairs.  I felt numb.  I had let this woman do something that was so wrong, and yet I hadn’t stopped her.  Why was I such a weakling?

            “Get up, Ann.”  I demanded myself.  “Get up and make this right.”  I didn’t listen to myself.  I stayed glued to the chair.  “Get up, Ann!”  I yelled out.  This time I jerked my body up to a standing position.  Feeling bolder with each step, I marched out the door and back to the shop.

            Arriving at the window, my insides twisted again.  I took a deep breath.  I opened the door and heard the little bell tinkle again.  The shop owner looked up, and this time a cold stare greeted me instead of welcoming eyes.  “What do you want now?”  she said.

            I held out the money.  “This belongs to you.”  I said.  “I didn’t want to take back the money.  She made me come here.  I’m so sorry I didn’t speak up.”  The woman’s eyes softened.

            “What a good heart you have.” She said as she accepted my offer. “It is becoming more and more difficult to be Jewish around here.  I’m afraid things are only going to get worse.”

            “There’s something Frau Hirsch didn’t realize when she brought me here.” I said, grinning.  I fumbled for the chain around my neck and held up my Star of David. 

            “You certainly don’t want her to see that I would imagine!  What would she think?”  the shop owner laughed. “In all seriousness, be careful, all right?”

            “I will. “  I said.  I waved goodbye and headed down the road thankful that I only had to stay one night in the Berlin Hotel.